Jesus, Moses and the Burglar

I heard about this burglar who was breaking into a house one night. As he was stealing the stereo he heard a voice that said… “Jesus is watching you.”

He froze in his tracks, shined his flashlight into the corner of the room and he saw a parrot.

He said… “Did you say that to me?”

The parrot said… “Yes, I’m just trying to warn you.”

The burglar said… “Warn me? What are you talking about? Who are you?”

The parrot said… “My name is Moses.”

The burglar laughed and said… “What kind of crazy people would name a parrot Moses?”

The parrot said… “The same kind of people that would name a 150 pound Rottweiler Jesus!”

– (Joke I heard from Jason Moffatt, who heard it from Joel Osteen, who probably heard it from someone else.)

23 Comments

  • Jason Dinner

    Reply Reply November 1, 2012

    HA!!!

    • James Grandstaff

      Reply Reply November 1, 2012

      You like that J-Dawg!?

      • Gary Schafer

        Reply Reply November 1, 2012

        I read this to my wife and she smiled. She hardly ever smiles. Good one. LoL

        • James Grandstaff

          Reply Reply November 1, 2012

          Your comment made my girlfriend and I laugh out loud. You rock Gary! LMAO!

  • Mel White

    Reply Reply November 1, 2012

    Nothing like a little warning.

  • Amer-Rician Ambassador

    Reply Reply November 1, 2012

    HAHAHA!! I suppose the 150 pound Rottweiler was also in the house??

  • Samuel Heins

    Reply Reply November 1, 2012

    That’s good. thanks for sharing. Hey probably not the location for a Downline Secrets 3 question, but keep me in the loop.

  • Deron Morrow

    Reply Reply November 1, 2012

    That was Great
    Thanks
    Deron

  • Laurie Mills

    Reply Reply November 1, 2012

    Hey James that’s a good one.
    Here’s one for you. No offence to the constabulary.

    This is an outrageously Australian joke!

    A Northern Territory farm hand radios back to the
    farm manager.

    “Boss, I gotta helluva problem here.
    I hit a pig with the ute. The pig’s OK, but he’s
    stuck in the bullbar at the front of my ute and
    is wriggling and squealing so much I can’t get him
    out.”

    The manager says, “Ok, there’s a .303 rifle
    behind the seat. Take it, shoot the pig in the
    head and you’ll be able to remove him.”

    Five minutes later the farm hand calls back,
    “I did what you said boss.
    Took the 303, shot the pig in the head and
    removed him from the bull-bars. No problem there,
    but I still can’t go on”.

    “Now what’s the problem?” raged the Manager.

    “Well boss, it’s his motor-bike. The flashing
    blue light is stuck under the right-front wheel
    arch.”

    ” Boss ! ”

    “………… You there Boss?”

  • Maurice Jacob

    Reply Reply November 2, 2012

    Well done, there is nothing like a good joke to brighten up your day.

    Thanks.

  • Maurice Bernier

    Reply Reply November 2, 2012

    Score one for the parrot – zero to the burgler. Very cute joke James. thanks for the laugh!

    Best wishes to you and yours for a great weekend everyone.

  • Bertram Heath Sr.

    Reply Reply November 2, 2012

    Thanks for sharing James, I love starting the day with a good laugh 🙂 It’s about time someone posts a good clean joke that’s actually funny!

  • Darren

    Reply Reply November 8, 2012

    Wonderful Joke

  • Kimball Roundy

    Reply Reply November 8, 2012

    Love it J 😉

  • Dave Marston

    Reply Reply November 8, 2012

    Hysterical!!

    You don’t mind if I use that down the pub do you James?

    Thanks!

  • Diane Ramirez

    Reply Reply November 8, 2012

    That was laugh out loud funny. I know I’ve heard it before. Nonetheless gives one a good chuckle just picturing the bird, the 150 pound Rottweiler, and the look on the burglar’s face when he sees Jesus!!!

    My husband will love this one! Thanks for the laugh.

  • Bruno M

    Reply Reply November 10, 2012

    both very good jokes –
    and Laurie?
    that was Killarious . . LOL.
    (typo intentional!)

  • Unconventional Me

    Reply Reply November 10, 2012

    That was funny!

    Keep in mind that if the dog’s owner is of Spanish decent, then that name is pronounced Hay-soos! LOL

    Laughter is good medicine.

  • Ray

    Reply Reply November 23, 2012

    Good joke James

  • Ralph

    Reply Reply September 22, 2013

    James,
    I’m glad that I found your email today made me laugh. It was the high light of my day. Will definitely look forward for more to keep me in stitches. Keep em coming.

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    • mobage

      Reply Reply April 24, 2017

      That’s really thinking of the highest order

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